To all the other overwhelmed moms who are praying for more children – I get it! I understand the feeling of being completely incapable of parenting the children God has blessed you with while praying that He will bless you even more. I understand feeling like you cannot let others see you feeling tired and defeated because you do not want them thinking, “She wants more kids? She cannot even handle the ones she has.” I understand that same thought you do not want others thinking passes through your mind on a regular basis. I know.
I’m a homeschooling mother to a strong-willed 8 year-old daughter, an emotionally sensitive 4 year-old son, and an 18 month-old son who throws epic tantrums (you know the ones – rolling on the floor, limbs flailing, face bright red from screaming, crawling after you as you try to calmly walk away).
This parenting thing is hard! Sometimes, you can find me in the bathroom trying to hide my tears of guilt after losing my temper yet again, while trying to explain to my daughter that doing school is not optional, as one son begs for me to play with him and the other is screaming because I will not let him poke his eye out with a pencil.
It’s times like this that the doubt and negative thoughts start. Do I really want more kids? I cannot be patient with three. If we add more kids I’ll probably start yelling all the time. I don’t know how to do this mommy thing with grace.
There are bear hugs, baby kisses, day-time cuddles, and held hands.
There are sincere apologies, whispered secrets, happy songs, and silly stories.
There are moments of laughter, of deep connection, of empathy, and understanding.
There is excitement, fun, adventure, and learning.
There is kindness, respect, patience, and responsibility.
There is generosity, compassion, cooperation, and encouragement.
There is love!
There is my love for each of my children.
There is my husband’s love for them.
There is my children’s love for their dad and me.
There is my love for my husband.
There is my love for my husband as a father to my children.
There is a love of a family who loves God above all else!
I pray for more of this! For more children to share in our love. I pray for the ability to parent gracefully with patience and mercy no matter the number of children that call me Mom. I pray that in my moments of doubt I remember that children are a blessing.
Psalm 127:3-5a “Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are children of one’s youth. How blessed in the man whose quiver is full of them;”